If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I touched a dick in church today
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
