My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
