I cannot find my penis.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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