I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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