is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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