dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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