Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
