Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
