its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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