I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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