Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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