He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
