Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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