He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
