Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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