I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
