So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
