there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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