dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
