just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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