we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
