I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
