If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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