I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
