I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
