drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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