He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
