dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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