Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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