it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
