You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
