I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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