i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
