I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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