somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
