birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
