In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
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She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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