I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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