no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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