i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
