I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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