wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She told me I should be a condom model.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
