I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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