I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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