i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
