its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
