Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
