Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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