I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
