Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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