he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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