Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
