you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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