I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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