end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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