So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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