he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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