I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
