I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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