I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I believe in your delicious
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
