I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
