Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
